Really and truly back to basics.

It is eight weeks today since Andy died.   Many of you have followed our journey since we were married and lived in the city and many from two months ago...   My idea of back to basics has really changed.  Basics are relative to where you are currently.   I would say that a sudden death of a spouse is a real lesson in what is important and what is not. 

With Andy we had a daily routine.  All kinds of things were a routine that I had not considered ie if he came home from picking up the groceries I would go and help him unload the car and I would then be putting the cold stuff away... and if I came home with a car load he would be out helping me unload it all.  I would check the cows, he would open the gate.  Little things, but so many of them. 

Only in the last week or so has it occurred to me that the whole slate is wiped clean.  I am truly back to basics.  I had continued to eat at the same times and stick to things as they were set.   Except for one thing... we usually watched about 20 minutes of TV a day for some news.  I have never turned the TV back on since Andy died.  

Finally I realised that I have the opportunity to entirely change everything.  We all have twenty four hours in a day.  I will continue to live here so some things remain... the animals, the garden, all the things of living on a farm.   But my personal routine can be re imagined.   It is actually daunting to decide to truly go back to basics and have a blank page to make a plan.  

Have you noticed the most beautiful things are the simplest?  A bowl of eggs or lemons.   Looking at the moon or a rainbow.  A cup of tea when you are tired.  Clean fresh linen.  A good book.  A bowl of soup.   I think we have tended to know ourselves out trying to be fancy. 

I have quite a bit to do in a day but most are simple things that are actually lovely.   Feeding the chickens,  picking some apples,  time in the garden, checking the cows... 

The way I get things done (and have kept going) is by lists.   I make goals for the week and each evening I made a list for the next day.  As I go I tick things off this list.  This works for me...   seriously... if you know what works for you then you are set.  If gold stars do it for you buy packs of gold stars!  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The things on my list are jobs to do, occasions to remember,  things to cook, appointments etc.   I have realised I could actually prioritise prayer,  health and other areas this way too.  So today I took to my blank slate with a pen.   I have been thinking it over until my head hurts.  

Andy had been spending more time on Bible study than me.  More time in prayer.  More in research.  It had been (in retrospect) like he was in a hurry to cram everything in.   He had been in a hurry over his Will as well.  As I mentioned Friday I have tended to pray on the fly, in the gaps,  here and there.  I never had an actual formal prayer time nor set Bible study/Scripture time.   Because it is an hour to town I often pray a lot when driving.  I always pray before shopping.  As I drive I pray for members of the family and all sorts of things.   But I have not been committed to dates, places, times, routines.    

Now I want to be.  I need to quit stuffing around with something so important.   Andy seemed to know time was short. He was not stuffing around!  So now he led me to this realisation.   We can realise something and do something about it... or realise it and carry on the same way.  I want to do something about it.   I am getting back to basics.  God,  family, farm and animals...  helping others...  writing a plan that I can put into practice.   What we say is one thing but what we do is the true measure of our actual values.

I am grateful to have these choices.   On that, I have been writing down the things I have to be grateful for every night.  This is helpful.  One thing I am most grateful for is timing.  Had Andy died three years earlier it would have been a completely different story.  He suffered an addiction that had almost taken his life away.  He did always believe in God but anyone who has lived with someone with an addiction knows that is all encompassing.  It is probably number one.  So that was a grim time.  He has suffered many losses in his life.  More than most people could endure and so I kind of understood.  In January 2021 he gave up his addiction cold turkey.  I never knew how he did it as he didn't have outside help or support.  Recently I found how he did it... he wrote a promise to God in his Bible with a date and he signed it.  And that was the end of that.  Because of this all that I have described became possible and he was able to redeem the time he had lost plus some.  So that is a lot to be grateful for. 

On social media and you tube etc I am seeing so many people wanting to learn new skills, budget, cook, menu plan...  the economic times are hitting home.   Sadly I see a lot of very grim posts such as having $30 left for the fortnight and no food in the pantry kind of posts.    If I think I can help I chime in to some of them.   What I notice is "basics" means wildly different things to different people.  A lady was proudly saying how she bought pancake mix and made her own pancakes.   In cases like this I still say "good job" because she has taken the step to actually cook something even if it is a pre-made mix... it is still a step.  And encouragement is what we all need. 

While making my new routine and plan I have been cleaning, re arranging, donating, organising,  re imagining spaces.  My spaces room to reflect what I need them for and what I want to be doing.   I finally realised if I want to be reminded to have time reading my Bible having a space set up with visual reminders (as well as my plan) would help me.   Like if we want to be off to a good start the next day we might lay out our clothes and make our packed lunch... we can set ourselves up for success with planning and reminders.  

Similarly,  if we get clutter out of the way and learn to do things efficiently we can achieve more in a day, better and faster.   I already noticed this with having a cutting out table for sewing, that is so helpful.  If surfaces are simple to wipe down cleaning is quicker!   So I have made a list of easier ways... faster ways... things I can do that will give me more time on the important stuff.

Andy dying has made a lot of things seem just too dumb to pursue.  We can all be gone in the twinkle of an eye.   If time is short then what would we let go of and what would we do more of?   The ways to simplify things to the most important are endless.  We are really entrenched in our habits and what is "normal" to the extend I have found myself doing something then thinking WHY am I even doing this!? 

I have mentioned I like Father Mark Goring on You Tube.  He said something that I loved... he said he is pretty pathetic when it comes to making changes so he makes MICRO changes.  Immediately I thought yes I am pathetic too but I could make tiny changes!  Then give myself a gold star as he does. 

Now I have reached the end of my Monday.  It is time to make my list of things to be grateful for.  xxx