Feather your Nest Friday, 2nd February, 2024.

I did not know if I could post or would have anything to post.  Firstly, thank you to you all for such kind messages, comments, emails, card and more.  I have been overwhelmed with kindness.  Here at home I have also been given help, support and love.    Even the lady who came to collect Andy and at the funeral home is a Christian and has been absolutely wonderful.  

There had to be a Coroners report and when I had the results of that (which was that Andy's heart gave out) I called his cardiologists office to let him know.   I did not expect it but the cardiologist called me back and spoke to me for quite a while.   He had known Andy since 1997.   Andy was born with a value defect and it was always known some day he would need surgery.  This was put off for as long as possible and performed in 2007.   So this had taken place several years before Andy and I got back together (after dating when we were 15 and 16)  but he never made a very big deal about it.   He continued to see the cardiologist every two years.   The last time was April last year.  At that time he got a great report, a thorough check and scan etc.   I wanted to know this because of the number of things Andy did pre Christmas to prepare for his death... I thought maybe he knew something and kept it quiet.  But the cardiologist said no, the report was genuinely good.   He asked me a bunch of questions and he said well he knew what happened and it would have been instant.   He was very sorry but he said Andy had reinvented himself and had a whole new wonderful life since 2007 until 2024.

A dear friend sent me the verse "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him, though he may stumble, he will not fall, for  the LORD upholds him with his hand."   She quoted the verses Psalms 37. 23 and 24 so when I looked it up I took a screen shot. 

It interested me that Andy had indeed fallen that day, as I read this verse.

Another friend told me to have Andy's Bible next to me as it would comfort me.   I got it and opened it randomly and read "though he fall,  he does not lie prostrate,  for the hand of the Lord sustains him."

I thought hang on... this is THAT verse.  I checked the reference and it was the same,  just slightly different wording but the same Psalm 37.

I was amazed.  So I believe Andy fell backwards, died instantly and the Lords hand lifted him back up.

He had certainly be preparing.  Both spiritually and physically.  

Another help to me was this small video by a Priest I really love.  How to hear Gods voice.   Indeed I was able to think of an endless list of things to be grateful for.   Andy didn't suffer.  Many women who lose their husbands lose their security,  income and even home but I will not.  I have a new Grand baby due in five weeks.  Andy organised everything and made his wishes known.  I am not left wondering about his relationship with God.   I could go on listing my blessings for pages and pages until you beg me to stop.

Yesterday I went to the funeral home. There were papers to sign.   Andy was there (retuned from Adelaide) and I had it in my mind I could not see his face again as I saw it in death already and that was too much.   But it had never occurred to me (before yesterday) that I could pray for him, sit with him and hold his hand.   When I realised that I determined to pray with him.

I have never been to a viewing or anything before.  However I sat with Andy who was covered and it was very peaceful.  I uncovered his hand and held it.  It was still soft.  I kissed his hands then I uncovered his feet and kissed his feet.  I uncovered the top of his head and kissed his head.  I hugged him and prayed the Our Father over him.  I thanked the Lord for him and gave him to God.  I made the sign of the cross on myself and on Andy.  Then I hugged and kissed him some more.  

I am sharing this because for anyone like me who does not think you could see the face of your loved one then there are opportunities to pray with them,  kiss their hands or be with them quietly.  I got to say goodbye and thank you's which I had not been able to do before.   I am very grateful for that.

After Christmas I had told Andy that I need to move on from my Nana's dining room table and get a much bigger one so we could more easily host the growing family.   I described how I would like a rustic farmhouse table.  He thought it was a great idea and he said he would like to buy it for me.   Within a week I had it ordered and paid a deposit.

In his office he had left money to cover the cost of the table.  I took that in to the store yesterday and in a week they will deliver it.  This will be a beautiful last present from Andy.   I will certainly be taking a photo when that arrives and is in place. 

I began going through photos and personal items.  He kept every card and letter I ever wrote him and I kept everyone he ever wrote me.  At Christmas and my Birthday he had given me gorgeous cards, the last being for my birthday with he signed "forever yours."   

Today Andy was cremated.  It was his wish as he wants his ashes here on the farm and he had chosen an exact spot.   So this is where mine will go along with his when the time comes.

To get through this day I decided to keep busy.  I decided to attempt to do 100 jobs.  Mostly small.   The place is a mess.  I wrote down each thing,  take out the rubbish,  take out more rubbish,  go through some more photos, wash the bed linen.   I didn't get to 100 but I got to 60.  

I planted seedlings.  I know I need to keep my garden going.

Did the watering.

Checked the cows and troughs.

I was given cucumbers and plums...

We have a house on a hill that was once a workers cottage.    Since we lived here Andy had it as a music studio.   I have not ventured up there yet.  The front yard though has broken out in gorgeous pink Lillies.

I am setting goals.  Humble goals.  Tomorrow my goal is to make a few dozen Honey Gingerbread biscuits to take to Harper, Scarlett and Sidney.   Mum and I have the goal to go visit them on Sunday.

My next goal is to use a frozen turkey roll and a tray of homemade stuffing I made as a spare at Christmas... and cook this up with lots of roast veggies on Tuesday.    This would give me a couple of meals and as I accompany Chloe on Wednesday (next goal) and we return Thursday... she will have a beautiful roast meal in the fridge and all she will have to do is heat it up.  I will have one too.   It is only five weeks until Chloe's baby is due!   As I am having trouble knowing what day it is I am writing everything down, what I have to do each day.

I want to thank everyone who has prayed for me.  I am quite sure this has held me up.   From my Mum making me sandwiches I can toast for dinner to local farmers offering me help I've had a lot of kindness.

I can tell you that having spare meals in the freezer is a good thing.  I could still help Chloe with a meal last week because I could just grab it from the freezer.  I have many single meals for when I need them.  

Jane sent me a gift of beautiful bowl covers she made...

They are gorgeous, reversible and will be endlessly used.

Wendy sent me a beautiful card and the gift of a stack of hand made thank you cards.    I am going to have a lot of people to thank so how thoughtful.

We had photos on Christmas Day but this is a more recent photo that I really like.

In my not knowing what to do and not knowing what to share one of my main thoughts has been that we have been proclaiming our love of God,  our desire to follow Him,  to learn and grow closer.    Andy had really put his heart and soul into scripture and prayer and learning.   He died with a cross in his pocket.  For me to fall now would be to let him down and demonstrate that our faith is worthless and all talk.  

The icing on the cake for the day is that there is a fire.  I just found out.  I can smell it.  I drove up the hill and this is what I see...

Andy knew how to out the overhead sprinklers on and I do not.  But Johnnie is on his way.  I can see from the website here are 16 units and six air craft already there.  

I would be grateful if you would share your week as usual.  How did you build up your home, pantry or garden?  In Australia there were massive power outages in several locations.  Be ready and practiced for power outages!   

I also got a freaky letter from my bank.  They listed my relatives and amongst them was someone I never heard of.  I thought this has to be a scam.  I took it into the bank and asked.  It was real.  Now I know several people who got them.  They want to know who your siblings are...   a bunch of things that are none of their business.   I removed my money!   

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life,  nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth,  nor any other creature,  shall be able to seperate us from the love of God,  which is in Jesus Christ our Lord."    Hence even this week and last cannot. xxx