Feather your Nest Friday, 26th January, 2024.

 

I am going to start at the beginning. 

Last Friday I went to pick the girls up to come for a holiday. 

On Saturday it was my Mum's birthday.   She made a beautiful cake and set the table covered in yellow balloons.

Tom loves a birthday,  even if it isn't his he is fully into it!   We had a nice family gathering and it was a beautiful day.    Mum had a happy birthday! 

As usual I had many crafts planned for the girls!   They were so excited!    I spent a few days beforehand lining and setting things up as to try and enjoy the time with them and not be doing those things when they are here.

These paintings were paint by numbers.  We decided there were WAY too many numbers and tiny sections and that we would just use the lines as a guide.  Once we did that things went well.   They were good!   They worked on them a bit at a time for several days.

In the end they were so proud!  By the last day they were over the moon about them!  

Another thing we did was "mining" for gemstones.  Andy brought up a wheel barrow full of sand and gravel and I mixed in a few treasures.   They were using kitchen sieves to go through it all and hunt for goodies! 

Then we made car diffusers and lanyard necklaces.

The idea was to make presents for Mummy as her birthday was Monday.  Then to restock their present boxes under the bed. 

We also made Valentines Day hearts.   Their Dad's favourite lollies are Bananas.   We bought two bags of Bananas and divided them up into cellophane bags.  And then realised we could say ...

Monday was the girls last day here.   I always send them home with freshly washed hair so the plan was to visit Aunty Chloe then come home and play running under the sprinklers on the lawn for an hour or so then get them in the bath.   

We ate lunch,  Andy came in and had lunch too and was messing around with the girls.  We headed to Chloe's at 2 30 as Chase and Tom have a nap and this is when I know they will be back up.

The kids all played and Harper was cleaning up Tom's cubby house! 

At 2 45 Andy rang and said where are you guys?   I said we are just at Chloe's and will be back soon.  He either forgot we were going or I forgot to say!    He said he had just put on the sprinklers for the girls.   

We headed back at about 3 30.   As we came in the door I went to the stove to get Butter Chicken started and told the girls they could run around then we would get their bathers on.   

A minute later they both came running into the kitchen.   They said "Nana Bel Andy is asleep on the grass next to the mower!"   

Last year a good friend of ours died suddenly and his body was found next to the ride on lawn mower.   When the girls said this I knew.  I dropped whatever was in my hand and said girls please go to your bedroom I will go see what is wrong with Andy.   I ran to the front and opened the door,  the mower was running and I could see it but I could not see Andy.   There is a little retaining wall and I ran towards that and looked down.  For a second I hoped he was laying on the grass trying to fix something but Andy was there laying on his back and he was dead. 

By the Grace of God... I went into the girls room and I told them I needed to call an ambulance for Andy and could they stay in their room and I got them my iPad and put on a kids movie.  They got into bed together.   I ran back to the front deck and called 000.   They asked me to put down the phone can go close and examine Andy further which I did and this was horrific.   

The emergency line said help was coming and I could use the phone to call other help.   I called Luke.  Chloe is hugely pregnant and with Tom and Chase... but Luke was home.  I told him and please come.

He flew around and went straight down to the mower and Andy and he said what I already knew.  He turned off the mower and he covered Andy. 

I am prone to panic attacks and have an emergency tablet I can take.  That was the first thing I really did.  I am amazed I remembered to do that but I was thinking I cannot have a panic attack while the girls are here.  And I didn't.

I went back into the girls room and said "hey guys an ambulance is coming and I am going to go to the hospital with Andy so lets go to Aunty Chloe's " and they were just fine with that.   Luke took them in my car with the car seats and I said I will see you a bit later on.   They knew something was wrong with Andy but they really had no idea.  I spoke to them calmly and there were not too alarmed.  It is absolutely amazing to me I did this.

I called Lucy and told her and asked Kato to come and get the girls.   Then I went about packing up their stuff, their crafts, their paintings and lined it all up in the kitchen.  I actually can't believe I did this all calmly and logically.  Seriously... by the Grace of God.

Then the ambulance and police arrived.   Over the next hours they were very good and very kind.   We all concluded Andy had died very instantly.  I had to recount the day and time line and Luke helped me and he identified Andy and did some paperwork for me.   Luke called Mum to tell her.

The rest is a blur.  Andy was taken away and there has to be a coroners report.  I am told I will be informed on Tuesday.

Andy and I met when were were 15.  We dated when we were sixteen.  Our family moved away from the area and we both married other people.   Strangely four days before Andy got married he rang me up.   

More than 30 years later I was single and my girls were grown.   Lucy had just tried to drag me into social media and made me a Facebook page.   At that time Andy had a secretary who was tired of Andy talking about his first girlfriend Annabel... so she searched on FB and found me!  She showed him my photo and he said yes that is her!  Without him knowing she messaged me and said Andy has always talked about me and would I be interested in hearing from him?  I said yes.

The next day I had a long letter from Andy which was like a "this is what happened in the last 30 years" report. 

We wrote to each other every day for a full month.   After that we agreed to meet.    And the rest is history.

We did not have the perfect fairly tale...  we had good times and not so good times.   Andy collaborated with me on all my crazy plans and made them happen.   He LOVED it here.  He loved the farm.   He loved his tractor,  ride on mower,  digger...  he adored the three dogs who adored him back.  He worked tirelessly on water checks and fixing leaks (as mentioned last week) and he gave endless rides on the mower and digger to Tom.

The grandchild he saw less of was Sidney who he adored.  This is purely due to distance.   (Two hours south of us.)

Andy died between 2 45 and 3 30.   At 6pm Sidney said "mummy mummy Andy is here!"  His face lit up and he was so excited to see Andy.   Lucy looked to where Sidney was pointing.   When she told me this I thought yes, he went to stay good-bye to Sidney. 

Tom was his little mate and he is going to be looking for Andy and keeps asking for him.

Lucy told the girls that next day that Andy had gone to heaven.   Harper is old enough to message me and she sent me a message and asked if I was ok and about Andy dying.   I said yes I am ok and Andy went to heaven.   It is ok as he wanted to go to heaven.   And this is the truth.   Andy was always a Christian but in the last couple of years he really dived deep into Bible study and it was a case of he became less part of the world and more focused on God.   In recent discussions he said he needed to pitch his tent in the opposite way to what people in the world do.  He had a good friend on the same journey and they both were talking about there is no use agreeing with the world and accepting evil as good and good as evil.  

Each day he had his Bible open on verses for the day and each evening he did Bible study for several hours.   Then he wanted to talk about what he learned and we had many discussions... he also was talking with Mum about Israel and the Bible around the Middle East, studying maps... continuously seeking.    

 

Before Christmas I felt strongly to FULLY enjoy and embrace every goodness and every moment.    We had two celebrations and Christmas Day here which he absolutely loved.   He bought Sidney a John Deere electric tractor.  Oh the delight around this!   I know he absolutely loved that day.

We then had Mum's birthday and Tom came over and Andy built a race track with him.    On my birthday we went out for lunch and that was a beautiful day as well.  Mum said yes,  Andy was really happy.    I say this because now I am cross examining myself on everything I ever said or did and wondering if I was a good wife and sorry I did not get to say goodbye.   He said I love you every night and I said I love you too.

At Christmas he gave me a stunning card with heartfelt words,  also for my birthday.   He always told me I am beautiful (even when definitely not) and was always full of praise.  He put up with all my projects and continual animals I bought home. 

I am looking for him and he isn't there.   We were married 13 years and together a year before that.  And a year when we were young.  

I love you Andy.   

Andy died suddenly at home like Dad did.  He didn't suffer.    He might have known something as he did a will before Christmas and had the girls sign it on Christmas Day... which was a bit weird but he was insistent.   He left me passwords and things where I have easily found them dated November 2023.   He also told me what he wanted when he died re arrangements,  this was before Christmas also.

I have been in shock.  My family have been wonderful and I've had so many messages from you all via The Tuesdays Afternoon club, emails,  The Proverbs Women group.  I haven't been up to replies.  In my mind I planned to write what happened here and give Andy a tribute and rather than repeat what happened a hundred times just write it here.   Andy read my blog and he would be happy with seeing this.

I am not very good at talking.  You can write and cry and it doesn't matter.   Comments and replies etc have gone by the wayside until I find my feet.  

Thank you for listening and being my friends.xxx